So here is the thing...hearing you have breast cancer at 34 is super surreal but reading that you have breast cancer online because no one called you to share your results with you is even worse.  That is what happened to me. If you really want Ill back up to the beginning. I nursed all three of our beautiful babies and with each baby I always had changes in my breasts so truthfully I just assumed that the lump I felt after I was done nursing our beautiful daughter was just that, a weird leftover nursing lump. Well months passed and that lump was always in the back of my mind. It literally felt like a milk dud and it would move around as well. After too many months I finally decided to go see my doctor. I called and made the appointment. I remember standing in the driveway watching the kids on their bikes and as the words came out of my mouth I had this sick feeling that this wasn't just a "lump". I made the appointment and the next day I called back and talked to my doctor. I told him I couldn't wait and I needed to be seen earlier. I saw him that Saturday. After the exam he said he thought it was a fibroidenoma but he did not mess around with things in breasts and just to be safe I should go for an ultrasound and a mammogram.

I followed his orders and the next week went to my appointment. I could not stop crying. I knew my results before anyone told me. After the exams I was taken into a small conference room with the doctor and the nurse. They asked if I wanted them to get my husband. I said "no". Whatever this was I needed to process before  I could share the news with anyone else. They proceeded to tell me that the lump was questionable and they strongly suggested I proceed with a biopsy. Afterwards they brought Jeff in and kept reminded us that most breast issues are not cancer and because of my age and not a strong family history it was all precautionary. I knew it was BS. I took my order for the biopsy and left.

They said the wait was 2 weeks... are  they crazy?  You don't tell a women there is a questionable solid mass in her breast and then tell her to go about her regular life for 2 weeks. Apparently they have never been on the receiving end of that message. Your world is turned upside down and you become paralyzed. By the grace of God a friend was able to get me an appointment at a different hospital for the same week. The biopsy itself was simple the waiting was what was painful.
When we left the hospital I was given a brochure that said all test results would be available online. I held on to that brochure like it was gold. Days passed by but they felt like years. Finally the results came thru and Ill never forget reading those words " invasive metaplastic carcinoma with spindle cell".

Here is the thing though I was prepared. I just knew so instead of freaking out and crying I reached for the phone and immediately called the surgeon who had come highly recommended. Saying those words on the phone was surreal and truthfully it still is but Ill talk more about that later. Anyhow, I called my Mom and sister, texted my best friends and then paced the house. Jeff was quiet and allowed me to just be. I am blessed to have a husband who knows me well enough to give me space to process. Within minutes my best friend was at our house. Ill never forget the look on her face it was like we both didn't have to say a word. We sat in my daughters room and watched her dance. I think both to stunned to speak. I cried and in the background I could hear the phone ringing. I knew what the calls were...it was love and concern pouring in from our loved ones.

My sister stopped over and I knew what she was thinking " seriously, my little sister?" We hugged and cried a lot. My Mom came over and we did the same lots of crying lots of hugging. I continued to look around our house. Our beautiful kids did not deserve this, my husband didn't deserve this, my Mom, my poor Mom, she did not deserve this. I did not deserve this but the thing is I decided that this would not be my ending. I refuse to die from cancer. My family deserves better than that.