The drive to the hospital was quiet. I get quiet when I'm nervous. I like the music loud and no ones mouths moving :) So I held Jeff's hand and my Mom sat in the back and would rub my shoulder as I stared out the window. Reality was quickly sinking in. I wiped tear after tear as they fell. I don't know why I cried so hard. Maybe fear, maybe anxiety, maybe hormones or maybe just because but regardless I did. Once we rounded the freeway my song came on the radio and I stopped crying. I just knew it would be ok. I stopped crying and got it together.
We parked and checked in. It went fast from there. They brought me back and quickly I realized this was going to go fast. The two nicest guys came in and injected me with a radioactive solution for my sentinel node biopsy. My Mom and Jeff came back and joined me and we joked and talked. We prayed together and I cried again. Man those damn tears just couldn't stop but I felt so much better after we prayed together.
The surgery team came in talked a lot and I heard a lot of nothing except my "boobs" weren't there yet. That's why the surgery was slightly delayed. They were on a truck coming from Naperville and I don't know why but I found it funny. It could have been because right before that the nurse injected me with what could be considered the best thing in the entire world. I couldn't stop giggling. She told me she had more where that came from and again I just giggled. They gave me a little more cause the truck still had not arrived and I was "sobering" up. Once the truck was there that was it. It was go time. I kissed and hugged my Mom and Jeff said good bye and they literally wheeled me away.
We entered the surgery room. There were HUGE lights on the ceiling. The surgeon asked me if I was ready and I told her "absolutely, lets do this and don't forget to take my nipples". I moved over to the surgery table they laid my arms out to each side and the nicest Anesthesiologist came over. He was the cutest little older man I had ever seen and his smile was so kind. I asked him how long until I was asleep he said "soon". Soon was an understatement. 6 hours later my surgery was complete. I remember waking up in a huge room and no one was around me. I saw this guy and was like " hey sir" He's like " me"? I'm like " yes, you who else would I be talking to". Quickly another super cool dude with awesome dreadlocks was at my side. Apparently, I took awhile to wake up so my Mom and Jeff couldn't come back but within minutes my new buddy and I were rolling. I quickly informed him I had breast cancer and had my breasts removed along with my nipples. For some reason it made me laugh and I think I had him nervously laughing too. As we excited the elevator to head to my room the hallway was super long and I could see my Mom, Jeff and my brother standing outside of my room waiting. Now imagine this.. its the first time they have seen me in over 8 hours and the first thing they hear me yelling, not saying, but yelling down the hallway is " guess who has no nipples?" " This girl right here". Cracking up and my dread lock buddy pushing my bed just giggling. I guess everyone responds different to anesthesia apparently I find myself hysterical. As they wheeled me into my room the nurses all started coming in checking on me and asking tons of questions. My Mom fed me an Italian ice and during that I started telling everyone who was coming in and out of the room that I would be having a dance party at midnight. I told everyone" to watch out because I would be twerking but having no nipples would slow me down". My family just laughed and the nurses just laughed.
The next day my surgeon came in and said "well, I have heard from all of my staff we have never had a patient like you". I accepted it only as a compliment :) So as we move forward we pray the cancer is gone but the next steps will be disclosed tomorrow. Chemo is on my planner for 2014 and early spring of 2015 but as my BF tells me " close your eyes, put your head down and plow through". Life will go on after cancer and when it does I swear I will be dancing and skipping everywhere just because I will be so happy to know I am alive. Below are a few verses of one of my favorite songs.....
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun
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