Here we are...

It's been awhile... I just haven't felt like writing even though I know I should so that I could catch everyone up on where I am and how everything went. Well..I did it! Chemo is finished. March 5th was my last infusion and I finished up feeling strong. 6 months ago when it all started March 5th seemed like an eternity but the truth is it came fast. The first 2 months were hell. The AC was awful but I managed like any other person would do... you have no choice so you suck it up :) After the initial drug reaction and I was switched, my second set of chemo for the last 8 weeks wasn't terrible. I was exhausted but again you push through because you have to. Actually the day after my last chemo I went to the mother son dodgeball at Gavins school. It was such a blast except I almost got pelted in my port with a ball. At that point I decided to step to the sidelines.

We are working on settling back into "life after cancer" and I can see how it takes awhile to adjust. I am loving being home and getting back to being a Mom instead of racing from appointment to appointment. The other night the kids were sick and poor Jeff was exhausted from traveling so I was up with the kiddos and covered in urine, boogers and crying babies and all I could think was " thank you God for giving me more time to do this stuff, to wipe snot and check temperatures to be a Mom".

So here is where I am at medically. I will start a new medication on April 1st. Its called Tamoxifen. I will take that pill for the next 10 years. It has its own risks, like any medication, but it also decreases my risk for a recurrence. I am going into it with an open mind and a positive attitude.. it has seemed to serve me well through this detour so I might as well keep it going. I will also have my tissue expanders taken out on April 30th and my implants placed. Depending on what my surgeon thinks I may also have fat grafting done during the same surgery and no I do not need any donors... I have plenty myself :)  They say this surgery isn't near what the double mastectomy was so I am praying thats the truth. My only request was that I can be swimming with the kiddos sometime in June and my plastic surgeon said " yes" by mid June I should be floating  :)Sometime in 2016 I will also have my port removed. Per my drs order its best to keep it for 2 years... just in case... anyway, after that is removed I plan on having the finishing touches to my foobs... nipple tattoos. There is a guy in Maryland who is awesome and books out a minimum of 6 months in advance. I would love to have them done on my diagnosis date ... it would feel right to close this detour with the finishing touches.

So, as timing would have it my 35th birthday is this Sunday. Craziness? I remember celebrating my 21st like it was yesterday. Jeff planned a super sweet celebration. I really just want to focus on turning 35 and allow the cancer thing to sit in the background. Turning 35 is huge and celebrating will be fabulous. I have to say the other day someone posted about 34 being the best year and I quickly disagreed... selfishly though... and the more I thought about it I had to admit 34 was the year of learning so I can not say it was the worst year. It was definitely the most trying..physically and emotionally. I learned so much. I have gained an appreciation for my body that I never knew before.  I learned that the vows that Jeff and I made to each other almost 8 years ago were more than words. I saw his love in action.I learned that the love a Mother has for her child is deep and can be painful. I learned more  about friendship then ever. Friends don't bail when things are rough they come running.  There were so many people who helped us and friends far and near that would remember my chemo days and send me a text just to check in, say hello and let me know that they were thinking and praying for me. I can not begin to say thank you for taking a small minute to reach out...it truly brightened my day. I had super close friends who would answer their phones during a rough patch I would be having and just tell me it would be "ok". You don't realize the importance of that until you are on the other side. Or having a friend sit at my kitchen table and just let me bitch about things and cry a little about how this whole entire situation sucked...and not try to make it better but just listen...thank you. Thank you for welcoming my kids into your home on days when I was so tired I just couldn't keep it together. Thank you for dropping off food on nights when your own work schedule barely left time for your own family but you took the time to also think about mine.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

So as we move forward I am excited to say we are making plans...camping is booked, beach vacation booked, summer concerts are booked and I am heading to a photography conference in April. I am so excited to get back behind the camera. I am not sure what I want to do anymore exactly with it but I know I mentally need it. I am brainstorming a breast cancer project and would love to work on it more next Fall when all 3 of my kiddos are in school.  We will see what happens with all of it but its exciting and scary at the same. As one of my favorite songs says:


We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding


So we live, love and laugh .... and believe and give thanks!



So anyways... enough about me... let's get the party started!
PS.. my hair is growing back and its blonde....